Little me
I listen to your voice
I hear the whispers, the charms,
But I still hate my soul.
I listen to the gift, the song
I listen to the child in my head
But, as i grow old
I hate her even more.
I hate her, because she let herself down
In front of the one,
The one that whispered lies
Waiting for her to go down
And, I look back to my old memories,
They just throw sadness over me
Oh, you, beautiful sadness,
Just take me with you
And free me of this torment,
This endless torture
This sickening silence of being alone.
I hate that every time i look at you,
I see my past
The betrayal,
The one that is holding my dream
Is the one that’s dancing on me,
That’s crushing my bones
Killing my soul.
And after i gave you
The best thing on earth,
You left me in vain
To deal with the pain
Like nothing else mattered,
But the sorrow of you laughter
That we once were
The melody of the world.
But, at the end of the day,
The night comes again and
I feel sick to my stomach
And i want you to bleed
The pain that you give,
And i wish you the best
So you can fall harder at,
the end.
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Rotten away
If she was to remember
The life that she had,
Every bit of her soul would leave her unalive.
And as she remembered the hurt,
She felt that the most inhuman part of her was made out of flesh-
The flesh that was rotten
The flesh that she let the time consume.
But instead, it was consumed by her own friend,
The kind of friend she would give her life for.
But as she left her soul with them,
Those friends who had eaten her alive,
Those friends for whom she was never enough,
Stabbed her existence carelessly while she was left unspoken, disturbed, and alone.
And with an unkind illness, in which she could trust no one.
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Her
She feels lost
She feels useless
She feels like that box on her drawer that has nothing special in it
She is good at so many things,
But she feels like nothing makes her special.
Instead of learning
Jealousy takes her over when she sees something done better
And that makes her feel even more inhumane.
Nothing is ever good enough
It is never enough how much she has tried
And she never feels complete
This is her uncompleted,
Unfinished,
Empty,
Alone…
An empty mess.
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Pain
You were my stars and sun,
You were the moon and sky
I thought you were my trust,
But you couldn’t even trust yourself.
I always felt like the thorns of your rose
You would get rid of me easily if i didn’t complete your unspoken expectations
I always felt like the rain in your sunny days,
Always avoiding me,
Always being the outsider of your sorrowful home,
I always felt like the lightning
That strikes you with pain and horror.
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What i loved
I love autumn and spring
There is cold and there is warmth,
There is sun and there are clouds,
There is a little bit of everything,
There is a little bit of you in everything.
I love this kind of days,
When at the beginning of the day
The coldness takes you over
And then the sun surprises you with the warmth of its touch
But at the end of the day…
You are still cold like a usual spring or autumn night.
And that is what i loved about you
You seemed exciting,
This toxicity of yours
This behaviour which gave me thrills now bores me,
I was happy when you gave me nothing but your presence
Now your presence takes away nothing more than my happiness
And i have discovered that you don’t make any more sense than the fact that you are a beautiful lie,
Warm only when I am around.
Your touch was so cold
And it hurt so bad
That i could find warmth in it,
And your warm soul,
The soul that could not escape the ice
Only made me even more hurt and cold.
And that is why i loved you
That is why i despise you
And that is why i will let you be by yourself,
Because with me you are not a whole,
We are just a hole.
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The dark side of the moon
I brought the sun to the sky,
So she would just let me cry…
And i let it shine out the there,
So I could keep it here, in my mind…
You wait for me in the stars of the night,
The stars that always aligned,
But then she spoke,
The stranger part in me:
“The sun is on the other side”
She told me.
I just stood there glazing at it-
It looked like a mirror,
Two worlds in the same body:
“What do you want?”
I replied,
“You can’t get rid of me”
She said while dimming the spark.
I thought she would hide,
That she would be too afraid to die,
But instead she ran
And I got to her,
And now she lost all her love.
Adriana Arsenescu